Who Am I?: When Is The Last Time You Asked Yourself That Question

As you know, October 15, 2020, is my self-love anniversary! So, I have naturally been talking about self-love a lot lately. You know how it is when you start a new relationship with someone. You walk around all giddy and happy and drive your friends crazy, talking about how wonderful and perfect that person is. I am in that phase in my love for myself. So, be patient with me :-).

Today I have decided to share an excerpt from my book, Vibin’ With Tonza: Affirmations and Activities to Encourage Women on Their Path to Empowerment. I hope you will walk away understanding that self-love often requires work, but it is absolutely worth it.



It was not until I was approximately 45-years-old that I realized I did not really know myself. I know it sounds weird. I mean how can you live with yourself for 45 years and not know you are, right? Once I realized I knew very little about myself, I began to understand why I always felt like a “caged animal” trying to break free.

As a result of a combination of nature and nurture, I am a pleaser…of others. When I first acknowledged this I did not like the way it made me feel. I saw it as a sign of weakness. The reality was, the imbalance is what was making me feel weak. Being a pleaser was not a bad thing at all, but, I was leaving the most important person out of the equation when it came to my desire to please. I was so focused on making sure everyone else was happy that I seldomly took the time to gauge my happiness. And when I did evaluate my happiness, I measured it based upon the way others were making me feel. Simply put, I was looking to others to please me. When I had my aha moment, I knew that I needed to learn how to please myself without feeling selfish. And, in order to do that I had to get to know myself (good, bad, ugly). I also knew until I took the time to get to know myself I would always feel like a “caged animal” trying to break free. And, I did not want my existence to be limited to that feeling.

Getting to know yourself, truly know yourself, should be your top priority!

Once you get to know who you are, and you are comfortable with who you are, then your focus should be on pleasing yourself. It is not a selfish act to make sure you are pleased. And when you do, if you so choose to enter into a relationship, you will be so much better equipped to build a relationship based upon mutual love and respect.

Getting to know yourself definitely impacts the outcome of your life experiences.

I Love Me

Today, I want to take that thought a step further.

Getting to know yourself and learning to love yourself impacts the outcome of your life experiences.

Now that you have read what I have to say, here are 4 questions from my book that I want you to take the time to answer honestly and truthfully.

  • When do you feel the happiest?
  • What makes you beautiful?
  • Write down 5 of your positive character traits?
  • Write down 5 of your character flaws?

You, of course, are always welcome to share your responses with me in the comments!

Much Love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

4 thoughts on “Who Am I?: When Is The Last Time You Asked Yourself That Question

  1. Enjoyed reading and I feel like I know myself. I believe in the law of attraction and manifesting what I want. I think sometimes we get distractions along the way to manifesting our hopes, but it’s important to have tunnel vision sometimes. Also, I only do for others what I can now and I accept my limits. I think me protecting my peace makes me feel content.

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