What Is Your Attachment Style


A person’s specific way of relating to others in relationships.

Definition of Attachment Style

Before you start reading, if you are a parent, please know this post will make you reflect and possibly travel down a rabbit hole full of guilty feelings. Stop yourself.

There are numerous studies out there that focus on an individual’s attachment style. And, just as you guessed, how a child is reared plays a significant role in their attachment style. But, here is some good news for parents. The buck does not necessarily stop with parents. It seems that other people can significantly impact a person’s attachment style. The great news! Unhealthy attachment styles do not have to be permanent.

Now that I have shared this disclaimer here are the four attachment styles:

secure relationship


This is the gold standard of attachment styles; believe it or not, research has shown that 56% of adults have a secure attachment style.

In a nutshell, a securely attached person can

  • trust and be trusted,
  • love and accept love, and
  • get close to others with relative ease.
unhealthy relationships


Research has shown that 25% of adults are avoidant attachers.

If you are an avoidant attacher, you

  • struggle with getting close to others in relationships
  • are emotionally unavailable in relationships
  • prefer independence
unhappy relationship


Research has shown that 19% of adults are anxious attachers.

If you are an anxious attacher, you

  • tend to be very insecure about your relationships
  • tend to always be hungry for validation
unhealthy relationship

Fearful Avoidant

Fearful avoidant attachers are also known as disorganized attachers.

If you are a fearful avoidant attacher, you

  • desperately crave affection AND want to avoid it at all costs.
  • have a strong need to feel loved by others BUT are reluctant to develop a close romantic relationship.

Wondering what attachment style you have? I figured you would be. No worries. Click here to take a short quiz.

If you are anything like me, you want a second opinion. Click here if you want a second opinion.

Next week, I will share the parenting styles that lead to each attachment style. Stay tuned!

Much Love,


P.S. In case you missed last weeks post, will you be joining me in the Spending Freeze Challenge?

Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

4 thoughts on “What Is Your Attachment Style

  1. I think you’ll agree that people have been known to change from “person’s attachment styles” as they get older or after a good or bad relationship.

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