Watch That MindFu#%er

Someone that intentionally destabilizes, confuses, or manipulates the mind of another person.

Definition of Mindfu#%er

I hate to admit it, but it gives me great relief to know that I am not the only woman in the world that has experienced being mindfu#%ed. Of course, I do not want other women to experience the mental and emotional destabilization I experienced. It is just something about knowing you are not alone that allows you to breathe a sigh of relief and know that you are not as crazy as the mindfu#%er tried to make you believe you were.

After much hesitation(I am still embarrassed to admit I was mindfu#%ed), I decided to write this piece. I hope this will reach that woman who falsely believes she is the only woman in the world stupid enough to fall for a mindfu#%er. Please know that:

• You are not alone, and
• you are not stupid

This most recent experience has made me more of a realist. I do not think mindfu#%ing will ever become a thing of the past. Despite that harsh reality, I do believe that we have the ability to shorten the period of time that we are subjected to being mindfu#%ed. In an effort to help myself and other single women who refuse to let a mindfu#%er block their ability to experience authentic love and respect, I have come up with a list. While most people focus on the mindfu#%er when creating lists, I rather focus my energy on a list centered around the person being mindfu#%ed.

Here are 4 feelings to watch out for:

Feeling confused

I spent an unusual amount of time feeling confused. I would venture to say my mindfu#%er enjoyed me being in this state. In fact, there were times he would say that I was such an intelligent, articulate person when I dealt with others, but when it came to him, I allowed my emotion to get the best of me and destroy my ability to reason. This led me to work harder to be clear when talking to him. At some point, I realized the issue was not my ability to articulate clearly. It was his unwillingness to hear what I had to say. Having to do some of the things I wanted and desired would require more energy than he wished to give. Instead of ending things, he simply mindfu#%ed me into accepting his minimal to no effort when it came to me.

Feeling exhausted

The constant state of confusion left me exhausted. I found myself feeling very lethargic and tired a lot. When I wasn’t focused on trying to get him to give me some of what I needed, I was focused on conserving what little energy I had to take care of life’s necessities. I had lost my joy.

Feeling insecure

One time I shared an idea with this mindfu#%er only to have him tell me that I was definitely going to fail and when I did, he would be there. Well, most people that dare to put so much doubt in your head will at least say they will be there to pick up the pieces. Not this mindfu#%er. He made it clear that not only was I going to fail, but he would be there to say, “I told you so.”

All of this negative reinforcement can be a spirit killer for anyone. It left me feeling very insecure and doubtful about my ability to carry out my dreams.

Feeling angry

My anger was through the roof. I cannot tell you the number of times I threw tantrums and cursed him out, trying to prove I was not letting him mindfu#% me. What a waste of time and energy. I was compromising my well-being and still being mindfu#%ed.

If you are being mindfu#%ed

• know that you are not alone
• be patient with yourself
• do not isolate yourself
• seek counseling

Much Love,

Tonza