Touch Me

Being a single person in the age of COVID has become tougher for me. Recently I realized I had inadvertently removed my superwoman cape from storage and placed it back on. After all, I am a mom and a small business owner.

As a mom, I am quietly consumed with creating the new normal for my youngest daughter so that I can keep her safe mentally and physically. I am also consumed with trying to balance my desire to force my daughter with Lupus into isolation with her determination to live as a “normal” 21-year-old. As a small business owner, I am consumed with maintaining some level of financial stability in a world that is by no means stable.

My responsibilities as a mother and a business owner often force me, or allow me, to set my needs as a woman aside. Translation, I operate in an emotionally safe zone. Or, shall I say I thought I was operating in an emotionally safe zone. As the days and months go by this has gotten tougher for me. I have been experiencing some emotional lows lately that have made me pause to try and figure out what is going on with me. Anyone who knows me knows that acknowledging such a thing is tough because my developmental experiences have taught me that feelings such as these are signs of weakness. Fortunately, intentional living has taught me that failing to acknowledge these feelings is toxic to my overall health and well-being.

As introverted as I am, I am missing human interaction and human touch. As a single woman pre-covid I got to have lunch and hang out with friends, take trips, and do things that allowed me to at least be in the presence of other humans. COVID has magnified my status as single and created another barrier to one of our basic needs as human beings, human touch. It is no secret that human touch plays a crucial role in human development and well being.

According to research conducted at the University of North Carolina, women who receive more hugs from their partners have lower heart rates and blood pressure.

Neuroscientist Edmund Ross found that physical touch activates the brain’s orbitofrontal cortex, linked to feelings of reward and compassion.

According to Daniel Keitner, the founding director of the Greater Good Science Center and professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley studies have shown that a simple touch can trigger the release of oxytocin, which is also known as the love hormone.

This post is for all of those out there who feel isolated and alone and afraid to share it. YOU need to know that you are not alone! You need to know that you are not abnormal! YOU need to know that you are not weak! MORE THAN ANYTHING, you need to remain hopeful and know that “this too shall pass”. 

This weekend:

  1. DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR FEELING LONELY
  2. practice deep breathing.
  3. binge-watch The Single Wives on Netflix. Yes, it is a little corny but fun to watch.
  4. daydream about the kind of partner that you want to welcome into your world.
  5. daydream about the kind of partner that you want to be.
  6. sit outside and enjoy the sunshine.
  7. curl up with a great love story.
  8. take a walk.
  9. take a cold shower (No, not to calm your sexual desires down. Because it is healthy.).
  10. check on a friend or loved one.

Much Love,

Tonza

P.S. Catchy title huh? I know…LOL! It is not an invitation. It is a title. LOL!

Author: Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

6 thoughts

  1. Hey Councilor! I haven’t see you in years…….When was the last time you been to Va Beach? I have a buddy in the Triangle….. Maybe we can get some Java and catch up one day……

      1. Hey…. I sent you a text to your 325#…… Is that still a good number? Mine is 757.287.1433

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