Submissive Boss Chick

If someone asked me to describe myself in 3 words or less, I would say “submissive boss chick”. I know, I know…a bit of an oxymoron, huh? But wait, let me explain before you start judging and trying to snatch my superwoman cape. I am willing to bet there are other women out there that can identify with being a “submissive boss chick”. And, I bet there are some men out there loving a “submissive boss chick”.

What do I mean when I say “boss chick” you might ask? A “boss chick” is a woman who is not flawless, but is still fabulous. She is able to embrace her flaws and overcome obstacles while navigating this thing called life independently and, most importantly, happily. Simply put, a “boss chick” is living her best perfectly imperfect life.

As a “submissive boss chick”, I am comfortable and confident that I can handle my business, but…I am not interested in sharing this with the man that I am attracted to or dating. I am never going to walk into a situation providing a blueprint of what I bring to the table. In fact, I am much more apt to initially expose my “flaws”. My logic is simple…I don’t want to share my best with someone unwilling, or unable, to deal with my worst. More importantly, I no longer see dating as auditioning. Either you like me, or you don’t, and vice versa.

Sure, my inclination to openly discuss my “life snafus” can sometimes give the perception of weakness or insecurity. However, being keenly aware of what one brings to the table, despite being flawed, makes it easier to disregard those inaccurate perceptions. And, when necessary, because I am still a “boss chick”, I can quickly clear up any misperceptions one may have.

It is important to know that I did not always embrace my “submissive boss chick” description with pride. In fact, for most of my adult life, I felt my submissive nature was a character flaw that was to be blamed for my uncanny ability to attract the wrong type of man. Along with the decision to embrace it, came a better understanding of who I am as a woman and what I am looking for in love.

My desire is not to be with a man that forces me to beat my chest and remind him that “I am woman, hear me roar”. My ideal mate is one that appreciates my strengths while giving me a safe space to feel vulnerable. My ideal mate lets me safely find solace as I snuggle under him and block out the demands of the world. My ideal mate is one that I trust to lead and guide despite my independence. My ideal mate will accept the fact that I come to him with absolutely nothing to prove other than I am capable and willing to “pour into him” (thank you Assata for this wonderful description) in such a way that he knows, if nothing else, this woman is his “ride or die”…with a few questions of course. 🙂

Ladies, can you identify? Are you a “submissive boss chick”? Men, are you loving and appreciating a “submissive boss chick”?

Much Love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

10 thoughts on “Submissive Boss Chick

  1. I always love the way you write so beautifully about life. I do think it is important to pour into your mates spirit and hopefully have someone who will pour into yours. And I also think a woman can be a boss chick and yet be submissive. The trick is accepting both sides of you and embracing both.

    1. Truth! And I appreciate you so much for being such an awesome friend during my journey of growth, awareness, and acceptance.

  2. You are definitely a boss chica. I don’t nor will I ever see the submissive part

    1. 😂😂 How did I know you would have something to say about the submissive part? Thank you Summey!

  3. Actually, that is a PERFECT answer consider you ladies run the world……. Of course, you know how to play the role of a submissive BOSS chick that allows her King to think he run shyte…. BUT in reality, us Kings want to protect and love you YET some of us don’t know because we haven’t seen or been taught it …… Why? Because the household we grew up in was either dominated by a single Queen or a dominating King…….My two cents

  4. For the single Boss Chicks out there, what advice would give them on balance between being a boss chick and being submissive? Before you answer that, check out my post on “Never submitting to your man.” It will all make sense once you do. I’d love to hear your advice on this. I work with a lot of ladies that encounter “balance” issues. They are very focused in their careers and find it difficult to prioritize once they meet a great guy.

    1. I think maturity and soul searching leads to that balance. When you are comfortable in your skin and no longer live as though you have something to prove (i.e. you are no longer auditioning), the balance will come. Alternatively, if you are struggling with balance and you find yourself constantly announcing your “independent” state of mind, it may very well be because you are not with the right person.
      If a great guy comes along, you have to be willing to make time to nurture the relationship. Unfortunately many of us take things like this for granted until we are older and our priorities in life begin to shift. As the saying goes, “we make time for what’s important to us”.

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