“Bad Bitches” Have Bad Days

“Bad Bitches Have Bad Days” is the phrase that came into my head when I initially began thinking about this post. In my mind, there needed to be a conversation about allowing women to “just be” without judgment. And, I still believe that is a conversation we should have. Just not today.

quote by Tonza Ruffin

Today I want to talk about “changing the narrative” about what it means to be a “bad bitch”.

Much to our detriment, we have placed strict limits on the definition of a “bad bitch”. “Bad bitches” glue a smile on our faces and act like everything is great because we are often celebrated for our ability to go through life, making sure no one is inconvenienced by our wants or needs. Hence the term “STRONG BLACK WOMAN”. “Bad bitches” say, “I’m great,” although we are dying inside. “Bad bitches” contain our joy and excitement about accomplishments so as not to appear arrogant or boastful. “Bad bitches” do not give our bodies an opportunity to properly rest so as not to appear lazy. “Bad bitches” do not express disappointment so as not to appear weak. Insecure is not in the “bad bitch” vocabulary because that is only reserved for insecure bitches. When vulnerability creeps up, a “bad bitch” suffocates it, leaving a gaping emotional void because we refuse to take the time needed to explore the feeling of vulnerability before rendering it lifeless.

In an effort to be celebrated by a world that equates our value with our ability to be invisible, “bad bitches” for far too long have been willing to sacrifice their health and happiness.

quote by Tonza Ruffin

Today I am recommitting myself to change the definition of a “bad bitch”.

More importantly, I am asking everyone reading this to make the same commitment. As a “bad bitch” who lives with intention, invisibility for the sake of the world’s comfort is simply no longer an option. As a result, we must be more intentional about selecting our tribes while respecting that everyone will not have the time or energy to deal with our unwillingness to be invisible. I am seeking to be in the presence of people who understand that I get tired, feel insecure, feel vulnerable, have wants, have desires, and have fears. I no longer want to be made to feel like I am an imposter because I embrace and explore all of who I am. I am also committed to creating a space where people feel comfortable being tired, insecure, vulnerable. A space where people can express their wants, desires, and fears. A space where we are all free “to be”. Our health and happiness depend on it.

Much Love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

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