My Children Are Dating Gurus

This morning as I was in the middle of my morning walk, I had an AHA moment! Single moms reentering the dating scene have an advantage over women without kids. Unfortunately it seems that many of us are overlooking our most valuable resource, our children. That’s right. Our children’s dating skills are being woefully underutilized because we are so busy consulting friends, fashion magazines, blogs, YouTube channels etc.

The honesty bestowed upon me by these beings that I was gracious enough to carry around with me for nine months as they prepared for entry into the world is brutal. BRUTAL! And, I am willing to bet your little munchkins exhibit the same knack for brutal honesty that mine do. Such brutal honesty is the only thing you need as you prepare to date again. Nothing more.

My girls have super powers when it comes to identifying every “flaw” that exists on my body. They are able to focus, with laser sharp precision, on that lone, long hair protruding from my arm that I consistently ignore because its presence just doesn’t seem to be earth shattering to me. Until my girls get involved that is. Once they zoom in on it, they stare at me mortified because I refuse to immediately rip the hair from my arm at that very moment (driving down the road).

They scream in horror, completely freaking me out, at the bump surfacing on my back. And wonder if I am delusional when I point out that it is ON MY BACK, not in the MIDDLE OF MY FOREHEAD.

You see that look on Gabby’s face? That’s the one I’m talking about. LOL!

Their hyperawareness about dear old mom’s flaws make me meticulously examine every inch of my body if I even remotely consider going out with a member of the opposite sex.

Unlike my friends who try to find the right words to tell me I look like a damn fool, my kids, without any hesitation, let the words flow from their mouth as they look on horrified, wondering how I could possibly believe my outfit would remotely be deemed cute by any member of the male species. It is my children that point out, as they examine every inch of my face, that my eyebrows are starting to look a little unkempt (although they don’t use such nice terms). God forbid I rock my mommy ponytail one day too many, or, go for extended periods of time without making it to the nail salon. Such behavior leads to a roundtable discussion on the importance of a woman my age properly caring for herself. When I point out, quite eloquently I must add, that I am a single, working mother juggling quite a bit to provide for my family, without sympathy they respond, “we all make time for what’s important”.

Oh how I love my munchkins so! Always keeping it real. Always there to offer a helping hand. Always there to make sure their mommy does not embarrass them when she steps out into the world! I don’t know about you, but I am going to embrace these underutilized resources.

Much love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

4 thoughts on “My Children Are Dating Gurus

  1. All I can say is I smiled through the whole thing. I have three Sons, and I have gray hair. If I had had a daughter, I’d be bald. What I commend you for is being a single parent and being so emotionally close to your children. You are a wonderful roll model for them and they obviously care and love you dearly.

  2. Good read as always……. And as I add my two cents, which I am sure is NOT needed since I don’t get any responses…… Tonza….. YOU are a beautiful, SPIRITUAL Being inside, and an Easy on the Eyez, physical being on the OUTSIDE…..The person that you connect with should be how your SPIRIT reacts more so than your physical-ness reacts when they come around…..

    Those flowers MEANT the world to you because it was NOT dictated by WHAT the person looked like….. It was from your inner self, the joy you felt…… Once you started to try to change that INNER feel to an EXTERIOR feel, that is when the anxiety crept in….. I practice NAMASTE in this physical world which REQUIRES much practice….. and with that said, WE WILL BE ONE…. I will text you the meaning if you want to share with your growing followings…… Peace, Love, Truth and Light……

  3. They want you to look Good at all times. Try having a son. Oh man, it is unbelievable. They want you to look good but not too good because they’re afraid some dude is going to look at you wrong . 🤦🏽‍♀️

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