It Is Meant For You To Be

Tonza Ruffin

I recently made a decision that was very difficult for me.

I find that my most difficult decisions are because I struggle with accepting what I know to be true and being ready to productively push through the inevitable pain of transition.

Because of my experiences, I believe that God, the universe, or whatever you believe lets us know when we are in alignment with what should be.

I also believe that God, the universe, or whatever you believe in lets us know when we are not in alignment with what should be. We miss or ignore these “notifications” because we often rely on our egos to navigate challenging situations. As I so often do, I kept ignoring the “notifications” by telling myself, “time will make it better.” When that time never seemed to be on the horizon, I made myself believe that I was supposed to be learning the art of patience from this experience. If I learned patience, I would eventually be rewarded with the mere basics. The reality was my ego was blocking my ability to see; patience was not the lesson for me to learn in this experience. The lesson that I was meant to learn was simple. I had some work to do on me before I could welcome all that was meant to be for me.

Obviously, since I share this experience, I have not mastered the art of immediately accepting what is meant to be. i.e., I am human.

But, when I do, despite the pain I feel, I have an overwhelming sense of peace, and things happen to let me know I am on the right track. This time was no different.

Here are 4 things that happened within hours of my decision to let me know I would get through this and realign myself with what was meant for me:

  • I received this message from a reader, “Your writings have kept me through the pandemic. Thank you for sharing your journey”.
  • I received an order for two of my books.
  • I completed Dear Black Man, I See You, a simple book of affirmations that I created in honor of all of the wonderful Black Men that go unnoticed because so often, the world seems to be fixated on the negative. 
  • I came across and listened to Jay Shetty’s interview of Big Sean on his podcast On Purpose. The title of the podcast was Releasing Negative Perspectives to Realize Your Own Path Forward. Hearing a Black man that is intentional with his thoughts and believes in the power of manifestation, meditation, and mindfulness let me know that with practice, I can learn to better manage my ego so that the truth of what should be for me can be. 

So, for all of you out there that have made some difficult but necessary decisions recently,

  1. allow yourself to work through the pain (crying is good although a little embarrassing when you break down in the middle of a restaurant :-)) and remember
  2. what should be for you is a beautiful thing if you create the space for it to be.

Much Love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

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