I Am Not Responsible For Your Happiness: Or, Am I?

cozy by the fireplace

As you all know, I am alllllll about self-loveSelf-love is the key to a fulfilling life during our short time on this earth. BUTTTTTT… when I hear people say, “I am not responsible for your happiness” in the context of a relationship, I call BS.

atticus quote

Sure, I get it; one cannot enter into a relationship a “hot mess” and expect another human being to fix them. But doesn’t one enter into a relationship with the goal of experiencing love, companionship, and ummmmm…happiness? And, haven’t we evolved as a society where women are no longer looking for men to be financial providers? The freedom to seek something other than security from another human being means we are free to pursue love, companionship, and ummmmm…happiness. So, how could one possibly offer anything of value if they genuinely believe that they are not responsible for their partner’s happiness in a relationship? If you are not making your partner happy in a relationship, then what exactly are you doing? What do you believe your role is in the relationship?

atticus quote

I am definitely looking forward to seeing what you all have to say about this. Are we responsible for our partner’s happiness?

Much love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

5 thoughts on “I Am Not Responsible For Your Happiness: Or, Am I?

  1. Great thing to ponder T! I believe one should not need a partner to make them whole bc you have to be a whole person in yourself but happiness, in my opinion, is completely different. Before my current relationship, I was content, even happy… but what we have found & have built together brings me a level of happiness that truly exceeds where I was. & even though I was a whole person I believe that he completes me because he adds some elements to my life that I never even knew that I lacked or needed before him. Does that make me a weak & dependent woman? No, I am still strong & independent but I am willing to & I trust him to share the responsibility that comes with making me a happier, more fulfilled & truly loved woman. Great & thought provoking topic!


  2. Great Blog T! I think we use the word happiness in a different context. My happiness comes from things or events that happen. If my husband cooks dinner for me, I feel like he is responsible for my happiness at that moment. In a relationship I expect Joy which is not triggered by events or things and I have to admit that I feel like my husband is partly responsible for providing the life we build together with Joy. I don’t think this is the responsibility of one person but both.

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