I am a Feminist (but, I like a man who is chivalrous)

In this quest for equality as women have we led men to believe that we no longer desire a chivalrous man at our side? If so, men please accept my apology for the role that I have played in the confusion.  Sure, I want equal pay and equal access to opportunities. I want to be recognized and valued for my intellectual abilities.  I do not want to be limited because of my anatomy.   But, despite my fight against being placed in a box as a woman, I desire my “knight in shining armor”. According to the “great” Google, chivalry is defined as

courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.

So, as a proud feminist, what does that “courteous behavior” look like in my world?

  1. When you ask me to go on a date, pay the bill. Yes, I believe the man should pay when he invites me on a date.  As a woman, I have observed and gathered enough information to assess what my “suitor” can afford. And, as a woman I believe it is my responsibility, if I choose to go out on a date with a particular man, not to emasculate him if he takes me to Outback instead of Ruth’s Chris because that is what he can afford. Ultimately, the experience is about the effort being made to make me feel special. So, I much rather you take me somewhere that you can afford rather than have to ask me to help you pay the bill because you do not have enough money.
  2. When you take me to a restaurant, if you are not going to order for both of us, please be a gentleman and let me order first. Men, if the waiter or waitress looks to you, it is because they are trying to assess whether you will be ordering for you and me. If you are not prepared to order for both of us all you have to do is instruct the wait staff to begin with the lady at the table.
  3. Be a gentleman, open the door for me. There was a day when women never had to touch a door. Now it seems that men are standing by waiting for women to open doors for them.                                                                                                                      Men, when entering a car, open the door for your woman.  When entering a building, hold the door open so that your woman can enter. In fact, if you are a true gentleman, hold the door open for any woman that is near the door, attempting to enter.
  4. Pump the gas. I was hanging with some friends one day and the wife shared that she has not had to pump gas since being married because her husband always makes sure her vehicle has gas in it. My mouth hit the floor. I thought, wow, he is truly a rare breed. Honestly, I do not require that much in order to put a man in the category of being a chivalrous man. Simply, pump the gas if we are together. There is nothing more disturbing than seeing a woman standing at a gas tank pumping gas as a man, or a car full of men sit in the car and “chill”.
  5. If you invite me to lunch, wait until I arrive before you order. I remember agreeing to a lunch date one day. I arrived, walked in, and saw my date, seated and munching away at his lunch. I was immediately turned off. And, to make matters worse, he never offered to order my lunch.  On another occasion, I arrived to see my date, waiting patiently for me to enter, before he ordered for both of us. Because it was a fast food restaurant he retrieved the food once it was ready and made sure I was happy with my order before he settled down. He was the keeper!

At the end of the day it is about making that person you are on a date with feel special. Chivalry makes me feel special!


Ladies, do you think chivalry is dead? Would you like to see it return? What are some of your examples of chivalry?

Men, what dating habits would you like to see women return to?

Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

8 thoughts on “I am a Feminist (but, I like a man who is chivalrous)

  1. I agree totally in what you’re saying as well as your expectations. I was raised in a house where my Dad did all these things and more. Besides these things you mentioned, my Dad never left the house without kissing my Mom goodbye as well as doing the same when he returned home at the end of the day. We raised our three Sons the same way. It’s all about showing respect for the lady. The problem I sometimes see is a man will do these nice gestures but after a while he’ll slowly start to stop doing these gestures because he doesn’t have to any more. You should be doing it because you want to, not because it looks good.

  2. I know that Chivalry is still alive. Some of my examples are: I never have to unload bags from my trunk after I go shopping. I never have to pump gas either. I am always instructed to walk on the inside when we are walking together. I wait up to the smell of coffee on my nightstand every morning even the weekends.

  3. But is that not a walking contradiction, how one be independent which is spurious at best, and be dependent on a man to placate to traditional archetypes is baffling to me. Now I’m being funny, but the old adage is that I don’t need a man???

  4. And what is his reward for being chivalrous? You did an excellent blog about how women years ago were kind and feminine to men, if there is a trade-off yes, but to do it just because I don’t see the correlation. I think respect is earned for both sexes not just given because of a gender.

  5. Maybe I regret why I found this old article, but this is not feminist but old- fashioned. But if you are not old-fashioned so you are feminazi (want all the best for woman and all the worst for men). I remember this good quote “you can not only embrace gender stereotypes that benefit you if you want equality” there is not half equality only your selfishness.

    1. I hope it is not old-fashioned for women to want to be treated with courtesy and respect. I also don’t believe a woman’s desire to be treated with courtesy and respect means we want all of the worst for men. How did you come to that conclusion?

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