Homeownership Blues

I come from a family that prides itself on homeownership.

Purchasing a home in our family was a sign that you had a good head on your shoulders, your parents taught you right! Even the family members who migrated to the North for work saved money and often proudly purchased homes “down south”. My mother was 25 years old when she and my dad purchased their English Tudor home in New York. Homeownership, at the age of 25, is a source of great pride for my mother. As it should be.

I did not join the homeownership club until I was approximately 30 or 31.

At the time, I was the mother of two girls, and I saw homeownership as a sign of accomplishment. It also made me feel as though I was offering my girls stability in an otherwise chaotic life. I loved the home I created for my children and thought I would pass it down to my children one day. After all, isn’t that what good parents do?

For years I held on to this ideal.

And then there was a shift. Homeownership became burdensome, and I felt trapped. The home that was once a sign of accomplishment and stability made me feel suffocated. Of course, I was in a state of denial for a while and did what I always do when I am in denial, I shopped. I cannot even begin to tell you how much money I wasted on purchasing furniture that captured my mood at the moment. Always on a quest to create an environment that was cozy, inviting, and comfortable. Always on a quest to extinguish the sense of suffocation I was feeling. Thank goodness before I began my kitchen overhaul, I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with myself. I was finally able to acknowledge that no matter how much money I sunk into that house, I would not be happy. It was time for me to make the transition out of eastern North Carolina that I had been yearning to make for years.

I always know when I am on my true path because of the ease in which everything happens.

I quickly decided that Chapel Hill was the place I wanted to call home for several years. I knew immediately after visiting my apartment complex it was the perfect fit for Gabby and I. COVID-19 bought my legal practice to a screeching halt in terms of new clients. I opted to use this free time to focus on my writing and building my digital media company.

I have been in Chapel Hill for one week so far!

Downsizing has been challenging and rewarding at the same time. I am still getting settled in, but let me just tell you, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. As they say, home is where the heart is!

My New Community

Much Love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

9 thoughts on “Homeownership Blues

  1. Hey Councilor….. I am a licensed RE Broker in the State of NY & the Commonwealth of VA with ties to brokers especially in the Triangle part of NC….. I’ll be more than happy to assist in these endeavors you spoke about…..

  2. ‘Thank goodness before I began my kitchen overhaul, I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with myself.’ -Lol

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