Help! My Man is a “Chick Magnet”!

man and woman

I was chatting with a friend recently and this scenario came up. Because it provoked some thought and self-reflection for me I wanted to bring the scenario to you. So, here you go.

You walk into an event with your man who happens to be blessed with “chick magnet” genes. Translation… your man is “FINE”! Having lived with this blessing all of his life has given him a certain level of confidence that means not only is he “fine”, but, he possesses that extra “swag” that causes the entire focus of the room to shift to him. Or, at least, all of the female focus… The women present with their men are trying to be subtle about the fact that they can’t stop looking at your man. The women present with their girlfriends are not holding back. They think your man is “fine” and they want him to know they think so.

As a woman you can appreciate their admiration. Hell, you get to look at him on a regular basis. So, the fact that all eyes are on him doesn’t bother you at all. And then the focus shifts. To you.

Now, you are no “toad”. You turn a few heads yourself. But, all of a sudden, the single women in the room shift from openly admiring your man to analyzing you, and wondering, “what in the hell does she have that I don’t have”. And, all you can think is, “this is going to be a long night.”

Of course, on a basic level, the strength of the relationship dictates the outcome of a night like this. But, I am curious readers, do you believe that;

  1. It is the man’s responsibility to make his woman feel secure in this environment?
  2. What are some of the things that you think the man could do?
  3. It is a sign of insecurity on the woman’s part if the “what does she have” analysis makes her uncomfortable.
  4. What should she do to deal with her discomfort?

Let me know what you think by commenting in the comments section!

Much love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

6 thoughts on “Help! My Man is a “Chick Magnet”!

  1. Obviously I’m NOT a Chick Magnet, but the point is your lady should feel by the way your acting as if the world revolves around her. If you do this she’ll know how you feel and the people watching will obviously see it too. If their jealous, that’s their problem. But the date will certainly feel comfortable and happy and that’s the whole point.

  2. Good day! If you and your partner aren’t in the SPIRITUAL realm of life and don’t have that connection of Spirituality, then the relationship is based on the physical life….. With that said……Now to answer your thoughts: If you or your partner have to worry about the other sex, heck, the same sex, then why are you both together? It is human to be attracted to something physical (diamonds, cars, houses) But if there is NO trust in a relationship why be exclusive? I should NOT have to worry about what my OTHER is doing… If I do, time to move on….. Treat others (especially your mate) the way you want to be treated……If you think they are doing something with someone else it’s probably a YOU problem… The way you think…… I would hope in the physical realm of life, others would find my SPECIAL PERSON easy on the eyez… If NOT, who cares as long as we are connected…….. My two cents…… Caio

  3. At my age and station in life, such superficial ideas have no bearing on myself or my marriage. I don’t care what others think (if he’s fine, if I’m fine, if others look like they want to push up, or if others are “sizing me up” – ie judging me and my worth), and it’s not my job to focus on them and their perceptions but on myself and how I choose to show up in the world based on my beliefs and ideas about myself and the world. Those who are insecure within themselves and base their self worth on their looks, their possessions, degrees and bank accounts have an extremely shallow understanding of who they authentically are. Feeling and being secure is an inside job (and is a function of unconditional self love), and both individuals in the relationship are responsible for handling that within themselves, and should be committed to supporting the other in the moments they forget. Our outer relationships are only as “good” as the inner relationship we have to and with ourselves. Then you can walk into any room or situation and be happily oblivious to what others are projecting onto you.

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