Don’t Test My Mouth



Why do I have to control my mouth? Do you have to control yours? Why do I have to keep my legs closed? Do you have to keep your pants up? Why do I have to conform to your ideals of a woman? Do you have to conform to my ideals of a man?

I am soooo sick of hearing about how women must do certain things for a “good” man to be interested in them. If that’s the case, what is a good man? Is it a man who controls your sexuality? Is it a man who controls what you say or do? Is it a man who says “to be with me you must be X”? If that’s what a good man says and does, please explain to me why I would want a “good” man.

I thought a good man accepted you for who you are. Who loved you despite your flaws. Who’s not intimidated by your sexual history. A man who can say I appreciate the woman you are, not in spite of you, but because of you. I am finding it hard to believe that in 2016 men want you to “control your mouth” and not be your God given self.

Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes people, men included, can go left with their opinions and actions. But to try to police women’s actions, and by extension their thoughts and feelings, BLOWS my mind. Like sir, you have all these ideals for women but do you live up to the ideals placed on men? Probably not. If you don’t sit yourself down somewhere and read a book that’s not written by a patriarchal a-hole, who’s probably been married 10 times, you better.

I am a woman with opinions who decides whether or not to “control” her mouth. And this comes from a woman who had a man try to control my mouth. If you can’t deal with a woman who speaks her mind, maybe you need to control your misogyny. I need you to look at yourself and decide why you want a woman to control her mouth. Is it because you want to have all the power? Is it because she’s speaking some truth to you that you don’t want to hear? Maybe she doesn’t need to control her mouth as much as you need to control your feelings of inadequacy.

Look, I can get down with a man wanting to be the head of the household and all that jazz. But damn, if silencing me makes you feel stronger, maybe it’s not my mouth that you have a problem with.

Takiya Lewis is a mom and lawyer in Eastern North Carolina.   Her son is the absolute center of her world!  When asked to share two random things about herself, she said, “I absolutely love food and I would eat all day if I could.  I am also a country girl who is a closeted, hopeless romantic who never stops hoping to find true love!”

Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

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