THE TRANSITION: Separation and Divorce Chronicles

I recently separated from my husband. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the house. So, I found myself moving back to Bertie County, with two of my girls, towards the end of the school year. While I was feeling extremely fortunate because we had a place to go, my girls were distraught. On top of dealing with the separation, they were anxious about leaving all of the comforts of our other home behind and having to move into the little old house that my grandmother had given me several years ago.

Our new home had been empty for a couple of years because,

as my grandmother’s health declined, my mother decided to move her into her home.  Anyone familiar with houses knows that an empty house suffers tremendously.   And to make matters a little more complicated, my grandmother’s taste in furniture and decor was a little different from mine.


In an act of solidarity, my girls decided they were going to stay with “Mommy Del” until I “got it together”.   

I was already fragile from my separation, so  I was absolutely devastated when they banned together and made this decision.    Fortunately, Gabby, my compassionate child,  would insist that Larry bring her home many of those nights because she didn’t want me staying alone.   My teenager, on the other hand, maintained her position.

Desperately wanting to restore some of the comfort they had in our previous home,  I went into overdrive working on our new home.   

Secretly working on the house was therapeutic for me because it gave me a chance to stop constantly thinking about what went wrong in my marriage.

It has been 3 months since we have returned to Bertie, and I still have quite a bit of work to, do but I am happy to announce that my girls are all moved in and seem to be quite comfortable in our new little home.

Stay tuned for future updates as we continue to transition and let us know what you think!

Much Love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

3 thoughts on “THE TRANSITION: Separation and Divorce Chronicles

  1. Let me first say, sorry for your separation. I’m not quite sure why I’m just reading this one.. I have read all the others, I have really enjoyed reading them, and your home is absolutely beautiful. .. So glad things are getting better for you…

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