Cause I’m A Woman

The twenty something Tonza (as she smiles gleefully):

The forty something Tonza (as I give myself the side eye):



Anyone remember the saying, “be careful what you wish for”? It seems to be playing like a broken record in my head as I think about my twenty year old self, puffing my chest out, and proudly singing “…CAUSE I’M A WOMAN…

What in the “Sam Hill” was I thinking when I signed up for all of that? And, ladies, do not try to act like I am on this island alone. You know that you remember proudly belting out the words “…CAUSE I’M A WOMAN…” yourself, a time or two.

Why do we over commit and stretch ourselves so thin? Is it our unwillingness  as women to accept that, while we are pretty  wonderful, we do not possess the “super powers” necessary to balance all of this?  “Super powers” that will allow us to run nonstop ensuring that we are successful career women, cookie baking, attentive PTA moms, who also fully satisfy our men by making sure;

  1. Our home is spic and span,
  2. dinner is on the table, and
  3. we don’t pass out at night in the event that he decides he wants to make love.

And, as if that is not enough, we take on the added responsibility of being flawless in the process by promising to have :

  1. beautiful, flowing hair,
  2. Salon level toes and fingernails,
  3. Bodies that are fit and tone,
  4. Eyebrows that will never look like Luke Maye’s. Because, while it is perfectly acceptable for Luke Maye to rock his natural, God given eyebrows, if we dare to don our naturals, the whispers begin:“What is going on with her?”“Oh my goodness, she is letting herself go.”

And, apparently, we are now supposed to wax our bodies from the neck down anytime there is an inkling of a hair sprouting from its follicle. WTF? I don’t know about you, but all of this is exhausting to me.

Somehow the shift in mindset that took place as we fought for gender equality became what I would arguably say was a win for men. They have an abundance of women out there trying to prove that they are as close to super woman as you can get while, they, do what? Grace us with their company (rolling my eyes really hard right now)?

In case you did not know this already, here is a NEWSFLASH: This pressure that we have imposed on ourselves is not healthy. Honestly, sometimes this pressure keeps me up at night. Instead of patting myself on the back for all of the wonderful things that I did manage to accomplish on any given day, I lie in bed going through my mental checklist and fixate on ALL of the things that I have failed to accomplish. Lately I have been reminding myself that “perfect imperfection” is not limited to a romantic relationship in an effort to get some much needed rest.

I am perfectly imperfect, and, it’s okay. So, if you see me rocking a ponytail, or, my eyebrows seem a little bushy to you; instead of feeling sorry, or, worrying about me, applaud me for all of the things that I am doing. I promise, I am going to do the same for you!

Much love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

11 thoughts on “Cause I’m A Woman

  1. lol I remember those days. I can bring home the beacon and fried it up in a pan. Because I am a woman.

  2. This post is very insightful! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Gave me a déjà vous experience.

  3. Amen Sister!!! You have definitely spoken #TRUTH

    I don’t know why we as women place so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves.

  4. Ok, I’ll stop smiling now. But on a serious note. In my own world, when I see a pretty or very pretty woman she is exactly that, a pretty woman. Having said, a beautiful woman, it’s from the inside out. A woman’s heart and soul to me determines her real beauty.

  5. Thank you for sharing this article with us. It surely reminded us women: to love ourselves more, to focus on our health more (exercise, sleep & rest, healthy eating habits) & a positive social life. I agree with your truth Tonza.🙂 My health or psychology professor once told us “Love no one better than you love yourself.” I’m still trying to see if I’m doing that.😉💕🙏🏽

  6. In my opinion, society has FINALLY subsided from the PERFECT wife, mom, colleague and the unrealistic expectations you most eloquently spoke of…… With the nation/world accepting that women are more than just Eye Candy……… Women now, have not only careers at home ( perceived home life) but are now: Supreme Court Justices, are in Congress, leaders of the #metoo movement and I see a future in the Governorship……. I am happy that humans are finally letting go of yesterdays thoughts and have embrace today’s reality…… In the song words of Helen Reedy: I am Womannnnnnnnn……. MWAH…….

    1. I believe that we are seeing women in more leadership positions but I also believe there is still a lot of pressure to look “flawless” even as we rise to the top.

Share Your Thoughts

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: