Behind the Scenes of My Perfect “Bomb A$%” Life

Happy Holidays! Two days left and we will all be gathering around the tree, drinking hot cocoa in our matching Christmas pajamas, and exchanging gifts as we instruct Alexa to stream holiday music throughout our wonderfully decorated homes. Real talk…The scenario I just described is only a figment of my imagination. At least as it relates to my home. πŸ™‚

If it has not clicked for you yet, I am being totally facetious when I refer to my life as a Perfect “Bomb A$%” life. I just knew it would catch your attention. πŸ™‚ My life is far from perfect. But, I must say it is pretty “Bomb A$%” .

Taking a moment to reflect this morning made me want to send a special holiday greeting to all of those people who, like me, have struggled over the years with their imperfections. Or shall I say, those people who, like me, that have struggled with embracing their imperfections. As I am still a work in progress, I am not able to offer you some magic anecdote that will rid you of your struggles. But, what I will say is, the quicker you unapologetically accept and appreciate that imperfection is just part of our human journey, the quicker you will find true peace and happiness. Thus leading to a “Bomb A$%” life.

So that you do not believe I am feeding you a bunch of crap, let me share a little about the chaos called my life right now. The picture of the tree you see in this post is not a prop. It is a picture of my Christmas tree in its current state as of December 23. A big artificial green mess sitting in the middle of my floor waiting for me to decorate it. As it sits and waits for me to return from Philadelphia, the only thought going through my head is, “when I get back to North Carolina, I am throwing that thing back in the box and praying my youngest daughter will not need years of counseling because I did not want to decorate a Christmas tree this year”. Subconsciously I think I was having that thought before we came to Philadelphia. If you notice, the box is still in the middle of my living room floor.

For the past twenty years I have gone out to purchase a live tree every year without fail. This year I failed. πŸ™‚ During the first week of December I started to slightly panic. I had not even begun the process of looking for a tree. By the second week of December I transitioned into full panic mode and started questioning whether or not I was even fit to parent. I mean how could I be a mom and not have a Christmas tree up by the second week of December? It did not help my mental state when I scrolled through Facebook and Instagram looking at pictures that all of these “successful parents” posted of their perfectly decorated trees. It took everything I had not to DM a few of you to ask if you would please help me out! By the third week of December I gave in to the mental battle I was having and ordered a 9ft pre-lit artificial tree from Amazon, embracing the notion that my children may never forgive me for this debacle. When I finally got around to pulling our Amazon tree out of the box, on December 20, I found out that a necessary piece was missing. As my mother’s partner in life for 30 plus years came up with a solution, all I could do was walk away. Solution in place and problem solved, I began having visions of me and the girls playing Christmas carols as we worked together to transform our Amazon tree into a mini replica of the tree at Rockefeller Center. I guess you have figured out by now…that did not happen. After 30 minutes (Gabby quit after 5 minutes) of “fluffing” our Amazon tree, all I could think about was, “where can I store this after Christmas so that we do not have to break it down and suffer through “fluffing” it again next year”. Needless to say, when we all jumped in the car to head to Philly on Saturday, our Amazon tree was in the same state as you see in the picture.

In the past I would have pushed myself beyond my limits in order to get it all done. To me, that was what good parenting required. Despite the fact that pushing often led to me being grumpy and irritable as hell, I reveled in the fact that I got it “all” done. I was “super woman” raising little “super girls”.

Real talk, there are still days that I find myself throwing on that “super woman” cape and pushing myself beyond my limits. I have come to accept that is just part of my DNA. But, what I have also gotten so much better at over the years is stopping to ask myself why I feel this overwhelming need to push myself beyond my limits. Is the push in an effort not to be judged by society? Is the push in an effort to mask some insecurity I have not dealt with? Is the push really going to make a big difference in the grand scheme of things? Is the push really worth it? Would I be happier in the moment if I push a little less?

Once I am able to figure out where this push is coming from I am able to put things in perspective, prioritize better, and focus on the things that create true happiness beyond the four walls of the place that we call home. At least some of the time! πŸ™‚

From my crazy household to yours… Do more of what makes you truly happy! Focus on those that you are fortunate enough to experience life and love with! It will truly transform your energy!

Happy Holidays and Much Love,

Tonza

Author: Tonza D Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

10 thoughts

  1. We all want to be that perfect parent but that often leads us into the grumpy wore out one. Now that I have grandkids I can just sit in the floor and stack cups or wrestle or whatever makes them happy in turn making me happy. They couldn’t care less what the tree or decorations look like. TIME is the most precious gift and you’re doing it GREAT MERRY CHRISTMAS!

  2. I realized one must do things in life that light their spirit and heart, thus after five years I decided to purchase a $25.00 Christmas tree from Walmart and only put lights on it. And I did! It works for me.

    Happy Holidays!

    Salima Masud

  3. I felt the same way every year until my son went to college. I would leave the tree up til March when he came home again as I never liked taking it down. So three years ago I decided to pull out my small fiber optic tree from many years ago and decorate it and place on an end table. He did not mind at all. He didn’t have to take it down. So after paying for the tree that I waited years to get (the one that looks like snow) I realized the little old reliable fiber optic one was perfect!

  4. In my opinion, spending quality time with family is much more important than trees, decoration and so on. Have a wonderful Christmas…

  5. It’s as though I were reading an excerpt from a chapter in my own life. Thank you for being so transparent! I too, am learning to let go of the Superwoman Cape and embrace my imperfections, unapologetically.

    1. Thank you for reading and continuing to support me. Put that β€œSuper Woman” cape down sis and live the life that makes you smile from the inside out…unapologetically! πŸ™‚

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