Are You In Love With Yourself?

When is the last time you have said, “I Love You” to yourself and truly meant it? It is so odd to me how I sought love from others for so many years without ever stopping to think about whether I loved myself. I think about all of the time I spent with friends talking about our intimate relationships and how little time we spent talking about our “inner” relationships.

Self-love is one of the major keys to our success and happiness in life. Inflated egos and self-love are not one and the same. Please do not confuse the two. Arguably, a person with an inflated ego uses his/her ego to cover up the lack of love (s)he has for oneself. Or, (s)he may just very well be a narcissist. 


Self-love is

  • recognizing that as a human being you are imperfect
  • accepting your imperfections
  • embracing your imperfections (Don’t be silly or misunderstand; there are definitely some harmful imperfections that we might need to change in our lives. But, that is for another blog post.), and
  • knowing that you have value and are worthy of what the universe has to offer despite any imperfection you may have

Think about it. How can the universe give you what you deserve if you are not prepared to receive it?

I have been told that I am emotionally high maintenance (code for I am emotionally “needy AF”).

Of course, this announcement did not come as a complete shock to me. Hell, I have been living with myself for 49 years. LOL! Being emotionally high maintenance, i.e., “needy AF,” is one of those things that I worked hard to conceal or alter when I did not love myself. In my mind, to need the person that I shared my intimate space with to be all in emotionally was a sign of weakness. Here I was this independent, self-sufficient woman needing something from another human being. Absolutely unacceptable (just in case you missed it, I am being a cynic).

I an effort to hide my “neediness,” I learned to gauge my level of emotion with my partner’s level of emotion. The result…Instead of being “needy AF” I was “unhappy AF”. Playing off my partner’s emotions often left me feeling emptier and lonelier than I did as a single woman. How crazy is that? More importantly, how crazy is it that I believed that I had to temper down or hide my needs from the person that I had chosen to let into my world in an intimate way? 

Self-love allowed me to look at myself in the mirror and say aloud, “yes, I am emotionally high maintenance, i.e., needy “AF,” and THAT IS OKAY.” And that shift in mindset allowed me to exhale and be clear in my intimate life about what I needed and wanted as a woman. After all, what is the point of being in an intimate relationship if you are not getting what you need and want?


I wish I could say to you I had some magic formula I followed on my journey to self-love. I do not. But, I will share two things that consistently remind me that self-love must be a priority in my life:

  • This is not my practice life! It is so sad that we do not seem to truly understand the value of our time here on this earth as humans until we mature. And sometimes we still don’t get it. As a “younger” 🙂 woman, I cannot tell you the number of times I told myself that I had time to do something later. Thank God I am still here on this earth getting an opportunity to enjoy this thing called life. But, I often wonder what the world would look like if we were wired to appreciate our time limitations at a much earlier age. I know that I now live a much more abundant and intentional life because I value each moment that I am given.
  • How “on God’s green earth” can I expect to attract the person that is meant to truly love me if I do not even truly love myself?

I wish I could say that once I fell in love with myself, it was constant. It is not. Do not beat yourself up when you have those moments of doubt or do not like yourself very much.

We are human! We were given the gift of emotions. I don’t know about you, but I cannot imagine a world where we were all walking around like zombies, void of emotion. 


I love me

From this day forward, let’s begin to celebrate our self-love journeys.

  • Identify the date that you woke up and realized you are one pretty cool human being
  • Mark it on your calendar, and

My date is October 15! As one of my friends says, “if outside is open again,” I will celebrate my self-love anniversary with my friends and family!

When is your self-love anniversary? What are you going to do to celebrate?

Much love,


Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

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