Anywhere But Here

Allowing the music to take me to a place where I can be set free

No longer holding on to the thoughts that consumed me

The feelings of wanting to run away from reality

Reality has a way of hitting hard and grabbing you like a bear going in for the kill

The grip of emotions invading that space in your chest

Attempting to hold things in with no regard to the feelings that are trying to break free

The breakthrough of releasing the pint of sobs that have taken residence in your body

Mind, body, emotions, uncertainty

Music on repeat, playing as loud as I can get it, attempting to drown out the sound

The sound of her SCREAMING…………………………

Dancing to the beat of the pain from within your being

Moving in no particular motion, swaying from left to right

The circles formed around the body from head to toe

Listening carefully to the beat at first, closed eyes, allowing oneself to be captured

Deep breaths taken in, thoughts are flowing towards the river of cool blue water

The water flowing, listening to the crashing waves hitting against rocks

The breeze upon my face, and finally I am able to release all the travail that has been stored up for years

The river flowing in so many directions and as I stand still it, face wet, heart racing, chills take over my body

Shaking uncontrollably, my hands become numb and cold

There are no feelings left within my body, cold, still, stoic

I never thought in a million years this woman could hold so many tears in her soul

My soul aches, aches to be free

Free from self, free from feeling incomplete, free from feeling like I’m not enough

Free from feeling boxed in with no destination in sight

Free from feeling I’ve let her down ……………………………

FREE FROM FEELING SELF DISAPPOINTMENT …………………….

4/20/2020

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Author: Monica Holley

My name is, Monica M. Holley I’m 49 yrs old, and I work for Bertie Co. DSS as an Income Maintenance Casework, IMC II. I am a proud mom of 4 children, (1 son and 3 daughters), and I AM A SURVIVOR. A SURVIVOR of depression, suicidal attempts, emotional/physical anxiety, and miscarriage. There are days it feels as if I’m going backwards, nonetheless, I pray/seek God for strength and push forward. I enjoy writing poetry, journaling, brainstorming ideas for tee shirts, stationary, books, etc., decorating and creating my own unique outfits. It will take time but I’m slowly learning who I am. Without a doubt I know that I AM UNIKLY PURPSD. My favorite bible verse is Proverbs 3:5-6 TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART,AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, AND HE SHALL DIRECT YOUR PATHS. No matter how things look or how I’m feeling, I choose to lean on God because I have to. He is my lifeline and without him I know I would be dead or in a mental facility.

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