My co-contributor, Courtney Muhammad, and I decided to be creative this year for Mother’s Day. Tight budgets always make our creative juices really flow. LOL! We figured since our moms always have so much advice for us, we would return the favor. So, with the help of our siblings and my dad, who decided to add his two cents, we came up with 10 solid pieces of advice for our moms. The way we see it, there is no better gift than the gift of insight when 90% of the time, our moms are complaining about how they don’t get us!
We decided to spread the love and share this advice with mothers everywhere. After all, your kids are probably dying to tell you this stuff too!
So, here we go:
If we fuck up, that doesn’t mean you fucked up.
Did we get your attention? Okay. Great!
There is only so much guidance you can provide moms. We know that whatever advice you provide to us is the best advice possible, but whether or not we choose to follow it is ultimately up to us. If we decide to go on the opposite path of your amazing advice and it backfires, that does not mean that you failed as a mom. All you can do is give us the advice and hope that we run the right way with it.
We are still learning how, but we need to speak up for ourselves.
Sometimes as kids, we are not as good with words as our moms, and when we state our opinions, moms think we are trying to be disrespectful. However, this is not the case. As we learn to get better with our words, try to be patient with us when we are speaking our minds. Moms are always teaching us to speak our minds in situations, and this should be including when we talk to them. Of course, we must be respectful, but closed mouths don’t get fed.
Try to have better family relationships.
In the eyes of 9-year-old Dorsey III, moms should try to have good relationships with their other family members. If this functional relationship is not achievable, try not to show us the bad side of the relationship. This dysfunctional relationship causes us to be sad that you are always fighting or upset with that family member. It also causes us not to be able to build that relationship we want with that family member because we always want to have our mom’s back.
Don’t compare and contrast.
Do you as a mom! Do the best you can and try not to focus on what other people are doing with their children, we aren’t them, and they aren’t us. You’re doing great sweetie! Don’t pay attention to people telling you what you should do with YOUR children. Take a lot of what other people say with a grain of salt. Everyone had their own experience, and this is yours.
Don’t force your children to do things.
12-year old Robbie’s views are that moms should not force their children to do something that they don’t want to do. Force will cause retaliation and make us want to do the opposite. If you want us to do something, make a compromise with us. Compromise will lead to a better outcome. Force is not the answer to the problem unless, of course, it is life or death.
Let your child choose their life path.
Allow your children to choose their path in life. It’s always nice to give them a positive push in the right direction. A lot of times, parents unintentionally try to sculpt their children into what they wish they would have been, but unwanted and unwarranted pressure to be like you or do what you want can be exhausting. Always encourage your children, and show them what they could have if they put in the work, but don’t cut them short of their dreams, they may resent you for it.
Stop spoiling them damn kids.
From the perspective of a dad of three, Dorsey Jr., moms spoil the kids too much! When moms spoil the kids, dad looks like the bad guy when he says “No” to anything. According to this dad, moms need to learn how to tell their kids “No” more. HOWEVER, as one of the kids, I DO NOT AGREE! If dad says “No,” next stop, “MOM”!
Be understanding and try to take a positive and caring approach always when your children go through things in life. Remember that you were once that age too, and think of how you wished your mom would’ve handled the situation. Your kids will appreciate your support in what they believe may be their lowest points in life.
If we are not open with you, sometimes it is for the better.
We know moms are sometimes sensitive, and as your kid, we are most of the time trying to be conscious of that. When you want us to open up to you about how we feel about something you did or said or something we did or said, sometimes we don’t want to because we don’t want to hurt your feelings. When we find the right way and time to talk through our feelings with you, we will.
Don’t pick up your mom’s bad habits.
A lot of moms pick up habits from their mom. Use all the negatives you have from your experience with your mother and try to turn them into a positive. Use those experiences to figure out how you don’t want to parent. Try to be understanding of what you went through as a child, and apply that to what you do with your children.
As we tried to make this list broad, sometimes these things can hit on a very personal level. As some of you moms read this, I know you find this comical, but think about some of these things (not the don’t spoil us part of course). One day ask your kids if they could give you any piece of advice as a mom, what would it be. The results may be shocking. And of course, we would love to hear your advice for us! 🙂
Ally and Courtney