50 Years: 5 Life Lessons

Tonza Ruffin

Today is the big 50 for me! I cannot believe it! I have spent the weekend reflecting on my past and the plans I have for my future. My youngest daughter has spent the weekend reminding me just how OLD I am. LOL!

I decided to share some of the things I have learned over the years that would have probably made my path a little easier if I learned the lessons earlier. If you are anything like me or my daughters, YOU WILL NOT listen to anything I have to say in this post. So, this list is for all of those people out there that are not like my tribe of 3 and me. The ones that don’t have to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer before they get it.


Tonza Ruffin

Distance Yourself From Your Doubters

Fortunately, my mother never set limitations on my mind. Therefore, I believe the possibilities are limitless. If I set my mind to it, I can do it. In short, I am an ambitious dreamer. Such a mindset seems to be a magnet for doubters. When you are trying to execute on a dream, the last thing you need is a doubter in your circle. Doubters in your circle drain your energy, making it difficult for you to remain focused. Who needs that? There are going to be more than enough doubters outside of your circle to contend with. So, be very intentional about distancing yourself from your doubters.

Tonza getting ready to workout

Everyone Is Not Going To Like You

Evaluate your potential platonic relationships, i.e., friendships, like you do your romantic relationships by asking yourself-

  1. Are we compatible
  2. Do we have chemistry

You will save yourself a lot of stress by sometimes understanding the chemistry and/or compatibility are not there. Guess what? That is okay. Once you embrace this, you will spend less time trying to make folks like you and more time being yourself? Trust me, there are more than enough people in the world who will like you just as you are.  Why waste so much valuable time trying to force yourself to be compatible with everyone?

Tonza Ruffin

Forgive Others

I have been fortunate that I have been created with the inability to hold grudges. Once I distance myself (this includes going through the healing process) from a person that has done something hurtful or harmful to me, my anger seems to dissipate.

Holding grudges blocks your ability to live peacefully. A life that is not peaceful sucks! Plain and simple. Forgive others. After all, once you have removed them from your life, they should not continue to have any power over you.

Tonza Ruffin

Forgive Yourself

For whatever reason, it is so much easier for me to forgive others than it is for me to forgive myself. Crazy right? I know. I am harder on myself than I am on others. So, it has taken me yearsssssss to accept fallibility is part of my journey as a human being on this earth.

Until you stop beating yourself up for some of your less desirable life experiences, you will remain in a vulnerable state. Remaining in such a state will keep you open to attack and criticism, which disrupts your peace. An unnecessary disruption in peace interferes with your ability to blossom.

Tonza Ruffin

You ARE more than likely going to make the same mistake again

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but… You will not always learn from your mistake the first time. It more than likely will take you two, three, or four times to learn the lesson.
As long as you are human, you will be confronted with experiences that challenge the very core of who you are. You may see crystal clear what path you should go down to avoid unnecessary pain and suffering. But, as humans, we sometimes enjoy the challenge that lies ahead on the wrong path. Do not ask me why. I have absolutely no idea. No worries though, it is okay to not get it the first time as long as you ultimately GET IT!

What life lessons would you like to share?

Much Love,


book by Tonza Ruffin

Published by Tonza D. Ruffin

Perfectly Imperfect but VERY PROUD WOMAN, MOM, LAWYER, and AUTHOR, but most importantly...LIFE LOVER! I laugh loud, I work hard, I play hard, I am adventurous, I am curious, I am driven, I have moments of deep insecurity, I am loving, I am vulnerable, I am explosive (not one of my finer qualities), I dance around my house alone, I am an awful perfectionist which makes my insecurity worse, I sing out loud in my car without any concern for whose watching, I have trust issues, I do not live through my children, I no longer try to force my children into the mold that I created so that I could feel validated as a mother, I am a risk-taker, I am guarded in my personal life, I am kind, I am grateful. I am so excited about the rest of my life!

7 thoughts on “50 Years: 5 Life Lessons

  1. Happy 50th Birthday Tonza! I enjoyed your five thoughts. Thank you for continuing to share your through various genres with your readers. Enjoy your special day to the fullest! May your next 50+ years bring you much joy and fulfillment.

  2. I always enjoy reading your blogs, they are so inspiring and uplifting! Thank you for sharing this one as well! I pray I will continue to learn life’s lessons sooner than later now in my senior years! Much Love!

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